You may be gone so that I can't see you, but it doesn't mean I can't tell you're there. I know you're there. It's been so long, but that means nothing to me. Do you honestly think I could ever forget you? After all that we've been through? All of the pain, all of the fury, and all of the love that we shared? I know it all became too much for you… But I didn't realize it was unbearable.
I wish you would've told me. I wish you had shared with me what you were going through so that I could somehow help, and comfort you. I wish you didn't keep yourself a secret from me. But it was what was to be expected, wasn't it?
Remember how it used to be? You'd shoot a glare in my direction; I'd flash a smile in yours. You'd mutter a curse on my life; I'd whisper a charm on yours. Why can't things go back to that? I didn't know that I would have to let you go so soon after having you. If I did, I'd never have done it. That's what hurts the most. You went when you just started to mean the most to me. I suppose that's just the way of life – but it isn't fair.
I've been writing these letters to you for a while now. Though people may laugh at me and call me crazy, somehow, inside, I know you're receiving them, and I know you're reading them. And I know you're trying to reply. I can feel it. And because of that, I'm not going to stop.
I would give anything to have you back beside me. Or even in front of me, wishing I was dead over and over.
It's a childish game, to deny feelings. Perhaps that's what led to this. All of the lies and unceasing heartache; all of the mistakes.
I only hope I could apologize to you properly. I only hope you can see me as I write this, to know how sincere I am. And I hope you understand why I'm writing this.
That's right, I love you.
You probably would never guess, would you? Me of all people – but that's the truth, and it's good to let it out. I just hope you won't laugh at me… Because it seems so cliché…
And this is where I run out of words to say. At least, on this paper. There are more words than stars in the sky that I wish I could say to you.
But for now, this'll have to do.